he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
