These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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