Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
