Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
