thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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