nut hugger
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
