I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
