My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
