i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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