I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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