Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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