this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
