really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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