my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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