i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
