Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Come share oat with me in your robe
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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