Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
