Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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