smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
