my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
