I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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