are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
