Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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