Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Randomize
