Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
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