On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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