so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
