I like to think it a success when the cops are called
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
