bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize