chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
