i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
