I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
