im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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