big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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