I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Randomize
