You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
