He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
