Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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