do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
