I just saw a hot homeless man
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
