Kiss
Puke
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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