Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
