I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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