i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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