Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
