My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
