remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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