I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
