I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
