but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
