Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
