What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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