The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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