I wish my penis had an off switch
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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