we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
