Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
