Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
