Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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