AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My pussy is not your playground.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
