Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
