Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
