so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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