Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
