im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
