My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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