Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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