I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
