i wish starbucks made bloody marys
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
