toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
