Already got asked if we're dating
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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