Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
