Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Randomize
