You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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